Second TOEFL Workshop

Greetings all, and welcome back from your vision trip.

Since you now have a wider scope of the world and what you need to do for self development, I'm sure you're all raring to write another TOEFL response!  As such, the Menard obliges.

Here is a recap of how the workshop will proceed:

I - Post your TOEFL response to your blog by 31 May

II - Be sure you've read all the TOEFL responses in your class only, and that you have posted comments to three individual responses.  Remember, once a post has three comments, the comments on that post are closed!  You will need to find a post that does not have three comments and post there instead.

III - Bring to class a copy of what you think is a good response to the prompt.  You should have marked it up, highlighting strengths.  You should come up with three solid reasons why you thought this response effective.

IV - In groups of four, you will then discuss the merits of your selected response.  In your group, find commonalities with your group members as to what makes an effective response.  These could range from selection of examples, argumentative strength, style, etc.

V - Your group will choose a representative to present your findings to the class.  Feel free to use specific examples from the responses you brought to class.  Be prepared to hand in your final presentation.  It doesn't need to pretty, as long as I can easily understand your main points.

VI - Be positive.  For the purpose of this exercise, you should focus on what works as opposed to what doesn't.  This will hopefully help everyone in the class write more effective TOEFL prompt responses.



Topic for the response: The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring? Use examples and details in your answer.

Nacirema!

Greetings all 

For your next assignment, you are to write a reflection on your in-class response to Body Ritual Among the Nacirema by Horace Miner.  It is due Tuesday before the vision trip.

Take into consideration your reaction and feeling towards the piece when you first read it, and try to understand it within the context of who you are.  Also consider that it was written in 1956: does this affect your understanding or perspective on the piece in any way?  

If you would like to consider how the author effectively uses rhetoric by violating literary norms, I would enjoy reading something of the like.

Primarily, focus on the moment of realization when you knew what the piece actually was, then on how it could affect the way you view or interact with people from different cultural backgrounds.

Oh, and feel free to have fun while doing the above.

The Age of Stupid

DUE: April 17 - Midnight!
Late assignments will be docked 1 point per day. 

You are required to write an "academic film review" of the documentary The Age of Stupid.  We will talk a bit about it in class, and watch the trailer along with some opinions above, but it is your job to watch the entire film outside of class.  

To write this successfully, YOUR opinion and how well you express it is crucial. Write IMMEDIATELY after you watch, and then enrich the content with outside sources and a bit of refinement.  Your goal is write persuasively and engagingly, and to meet the requirements of a typical film review while adding some academic flavor.  Since this is a film about a serious issue, and not Batman Begins, you are expected to argue for or against the views expressed.

I also encourage you to READ and investigate the film a little.  What do other people say?

Google it!  IMDB is a good place to start.

Here are the requirements for your assignment:

After watching the film The Age of Stupid, share your opinions while keeping in mind a few key questions.  How effective was the film?  Did it change any of your views/habits? How valid is the message? Do you think the logical, emotional, and ethical appeals of the film are balanced or particularly one sided?

Do Consider and Investigate The Modes of Persuasion: Logos, Pathos, and Ethos.  Consider how a documentary can manipulate these to deliver a message (or even propaganda)

Word Count:500 - 800.  No more and no less.  Points will be deducted for shorter and longer.

Tone:  Pretend you are writing for a college student newspaper.  You can be a bit more academic and informally engaging with your style of writing.  A bit of  Cracked.com with a bit of Wiki mixed in.

Structure:

• Intro: Paragraph one should have a hook! You can summarize the film and tell us the important details, BUT don't bore us from the start.  Get us interested in the issue and confront us with the essence of the film.
• Body Paragraphs: You can get a bit TOEFL mode here, and analyze and evaluate up to three points/segments of the film that interest you. 
• SUPPORT: your opinion/credibility with: Quotes from the film, quotes from other critics, quotes from the filmmakers.  HYPERLINK with embedded links to your sources. 
• Conclusion: Bookend what you started with by delivering what your "hook" started. Give us your final verdict. 
• INCLUDE:  Relevant video, pictures, links etc. 

Focus on CONCISION and lean sentences. Don't be repetitive or make the same point twice. Keep your reader engaged and moving forward through your review.

REVISE and don't upload a post full of missing articles, ugly paragraphs, and misspelled words.

Scores heavily based on:

The beauty and appeal of your blog post.  Packaging, baby!

Ask yourself these questions:

• Does my post look nice?
• Is it easy to read?
• Do I have appropriate images that complement my content?
• Do I have too many images? Not enough?
• Are my images placed logically in the essay?
• Do I have several embedded links that indicate I've done research and outside reading?
• Do I provide samples of the video and contrasting opinions?
• Is my opinion clear and maintained throughout the review?
• Do I dig deep enough, or just scratch the surface?  

The entire video is embedded below.  Have fun!

UPDATE: The dorm parents have asked that you notify them when you are to view the film so as to avoid any potential violation of the computer regulations.  Please be sure to let them know when you will watch the film!

Special Consideration

배두나

No idea what to write on your blog?  Lacking focus for your English writing or the mind in general?  Time to offer special consideration.

DISCLAIMER: The music video that you will be required to watch contains offensive material.  Do not proceed unless you accept responsibility for choosing to view the video.  There is no requirement to proceed.  This is presented for those who believe they are prepared to demonstrate mature research and comprehension skills.

First you should know something about black face.  Lately, yellow face has received more media attention due to poor representations of Asians in Hollywood and western media in general.  The latest offense was committed in the film Cloud Atlas.  In the past, Korean media has also received international press for black face. 

Assignment: Contextualize the music video within the broader conversations dealing with stereotypes of ethnicity / race.  Be warned that the conversations are broad and considerable.  You probably won't have the time or motivation to engage.  Do not attempt.

If you are interested, state your intention directly to me through email in which you include a summary of the history of black face, with particular attention to its use in Korea.

Long Update and Tips on Writing

As stated previously in class and on this blog, I must be able to identify you easily on your blog; please ensure that your name or student number is easily accessible in your profile.  I have many blogs to read, and I hope you will help me by providing this information on your blog.  It is fine if you would rather remain mysterious, however I will be unable to score your assignments.  Also, it would expedite the process if you removed the CAPTCHA requirement from blog posts.  You can still moderate them yourself, I simply waste less time trying to decipher the letters.

For the TOEFL essay, everyone started from a base of 3.5/5, with extra quarter points awarded for:

- proper grammar  (syntax [.25] diction [.25]  spelling [.25] a few errors considered not seriously problematic)

- choice of examples

- logic 

- organization

Many received the base score, which is not unusual for a first assignment, nor even a second or third.  But those quarter points can add up!  As suggested, write your assignment in a word processing program first, then cut and paste it on your blog.  Remember, multimedia presentation is encouraged.

For the personal narrative essays, the uploaded syllabus states: “Second drafts of in-class essays must be typed and uploaded with grammatical edits and content improvements. (10%)”  Now while I did say in-class writing on the personal narrative wouldn’t be graded, what is graded are your blog posts; please note the emphasis on grammar and reflection.  If your essay contains few grammatical errors, or demonstrates a sustained engagement, you will receive a higher score. Scores will begin at a base of 3.5/5, with .25 added for grammar, syntax, diction, use of examples, logic, organization.  A lower score is possible if desired by student.  For the first assignment, you will receive either a pass / not complete grade.

For your convenience, I have elaborated and clarified on some of the in-class lectures below, highlighting the most salient points.  I have been writing for many years, and in the modern world I would not eat as well as I do if I could not write effectively.  I often write for pleasure, such as blog posts, songs, or short stories. I’ve picked up a few things over the years, and if you’re interested, you can read them below.  If you already believe yourself a famously successful writer, or think any advice I may have to share is not useful, stop reading now.  Go do whatever it is you have to do.  I’m going to focus on your recent TOEFL essays for examples, apologies if you recognize your essay here. I am focusing on general trends in responses.  I will include some comments that I have made on individual student blogs, but I will not mention which blog.

This is the first TOEFL prompt from our course syllabus:

Describe a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to adopt. Explain your choice, using specific reasons and examples.

First: STAY FOCUSED

Organization is an issue in many of the essays I read. Ranting about modern post-industrial society is not the focus of your essay, and is beyond the scope of a mere one page TOEFL prompt response. Discussing the lack of close neighborly ties now found in modern Korean society does not have a place in your essay, as this isn’t what you want to export to the world.  The prompt asks you to specifically discuss an aspect of your culture that you think should be adopted by the world.  You shouldn’t be talking about the need to reclaim lost traditions and way of life, but about promoting something from Korea to the world, something that can be celebrated and shared.    

Essentially, answer the prompt directly, nothing more, nothing less.

Avoid jumping from topic to topic; remain focused on what is important and back your statement up with a connection (comparison / contrast) to a concrete example (no general statements, use something factual, like a primary text.  A primary text is a verified document with a certain (authentic) author).  If a text is provided, it should remain the main focus of your writing at all times, with other examples solely used to support your analysis of the text provided.

something very wrong here

Second: CHOOSE APPROPRIATE EXAMPLES

I read many essays that promoted near-universal human behaviors, such as sharing a meal or respecting elders.  These are not really appropriate examples, unless you are in some way arguing that the Korean expression is truly unique and of benefit to the world.  These are always a hard sell though, since it requires a genuine understanding of not only general human behavior, but of the specific cultural groups that are being asked to adopt the practice.  See a comment below about mudang as an example of the perspective I’m coming from.  The core idea in that paragraph is how many countries no longer have authentic practicing shamans, and thus Korea can serve as an example of a continuing, long term tradition.  Just don’t forget that shamans have pretty much existed in every society since prehistory.  The other examples are also related to selection of examples, and general perspective.

Comments:

Mudang is the Korean word for shaman, a religious specialist common to mystical, folk, and tribal religious expressions (to mention a few). It is true that these types of specialists no longer play such a large role in post industrial societies, a statement consistent with the prevailing view of most Koreans when thinking about mudang, jumjaengi (점쟁), or the like. However, the fact that the term 'exorcism' exists in English should be enough to inform you that similar practices exist? Shouldn't this knowledge be apparent as a foundation to your argument in some way?
This isn't really a TOEFL essay, as it's primary purpose is exposition, which I do appreciate; however, beyond the scope of your current task. You could still talk about this practice, condensing your first three paragraphs into one while emphasizing it as an example of a practice largely lost or redefined elsewhere (psychologist for example) and how since the tradition still exists in Korea, it can help as an example of the value of such rituals for modern society. Of course, mentioning that official exorcisms are still occasionally performed, and including this perspective into your overall argument, would also make for an excellent essay.
Do you know what a Ouija board is? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ouija

While a deconstruction of the differences in formalized respect between East and West is itself an interesting topic, it wasn't to be the focus of your essay, and in fact is well beyond the scope of a mere one page TOEFL prompt response. Also, be weary of the implications of your position, lest you care not if the label of chauvenist be applied to you: the hierarchical bias inherent in "to be likely to be adopted by other states of culture. " informs the reader right from the introduction that they are reading a polemic arguing a position of cultural superiority, as other cultures are lower and thus in need of adopting the superior variety available to them from Korea. This is reinforced further in your essay when you essentially spend most of your time criticising other (i.e. western) approaches to respect towards elders, again with the assumption that Eastern approaches to respect are necessarily better. If your goal is simply to practice polemics, as one speaking to fellow ideologues, you come across as very convincing, so well done. However, I of course do not find your words persuasive, as they are based on ill founded assumptions about the west, and are consistent with a myopic nationalistic bias. But writing this way will ensure you have plenty to eat when you get older, if the current political climate remains unchanged.

Also, your introduction is too vague and could use further refinement.

what you mention in your conclusion should be the main focus in your intro, but it isn't really brought out. You also describe the custom in such flowery terms that I almost believe you that it is still widely practiced by whole communities of people. . . I guess the places I've lived in Korea aren't very community minded, perhaps too infected with 'individualistic' thinking, tainted through their participation in modern post-industrial society. . . we should all move back to the country. Yeah.

Your assumption is that people in other countries have never had these thoughts about community, which is of course far off the mark. Talking about adopting ancestral worship as a means to overcome the fragmentation and isolation of industrial and post industrial societies would be a far more persuasive approach, as it has been dealt with in the west since at least the Enlightenment (see romanticism, realism, dadism, other anti establishment artistic movements, etc)

pay attention!

Third –THE READER

Stating the obvious, keep in mind that what you are writing is going to be read, and the reactions the reader has will depend on what exactly you present to them. Consider the audience, put yourself in their shoes.  How would they react to what you are saying?  What type of reaction are you hoping to elicit?  Basic grammar can fit in here, since if your essay contains too many errors you will annoy the reader, unless of course you are ignoring the conventions of formal grammar for some type of rhetorical purpose.  (Irvine Welsh, Zora Neal Hurston, William S. Burroughs, all write outside formal grammatical conventions, each with different purposes in mind).     

Eliminating unnecessary words (concision) in your writing is something you should aim for.  Try keeping your sentences short and declarative, each one necessary and contributing to the piece as a whole.  While using many ten or twenty dollar words can make you sound erudite, misusing those same words will make you sound pretentious and shallow.  Focus primarily on clarity and achieving effective communication.

Remember that writing is just as much a state of mind as it is a technical exercise; it gives you great opportunity to find and establish your own unique voice.  Writing is a craft: part art and skill, part application and trade.  Many do not appreciate the fact that with the use of a collection of characters, glyphs, stabs and slashes, we can convey worlds.  This power should not be underestimated nor neglected.

I just don't

What is wrong with this picture?  (Click for larger image)

UPDATE: I suggested that if you did not know what to write on your blog that you consider the photo above, placing it within broader conversations related to the horrors perpetuated in the name of Nazism; you may also want to consider the use of Nazi chic, something that has appeared in Korea as well (many more links available upon request).

A student asked for some context to the image, and seemed rather 'surprised' that I could not immediately answer their question as to what building is in the background.  I understand having some information about where a photo was taken can indeed add more dimension to analysis, and as the student has probably been too busy preparing their speech to search for this information, I decided to help out.

After conducting an image search through Google, I've been able to determine that this may be part of an advertising campaign from a Russian clothing manufacturer.  We could assume the building may be somewhere in Russia, although I will apologize that I cannot tell for certain.  I would ask if any student can determine without doubt what building is in the background, along with the exact details of the model (name, age, family background, etc.), that they share this information with the class.  These small details could indeed help us all in our writing.  Also, don't forget to address the content of the photo itself, focusing on the impact of the image and how it is related to history and the present.

Speech Tips!

Over the next few classes, you will be given the opportunity to deliver a speech.  Writing a speech is quite different from other types of writing, so I've put together a few tips here to help you out.

Voice

There is nothing more boring than listening to someone drone on in a robotic monotone for five minutes.  Check your intonation and inflection!  Make it sound natural, with some emphasis on key words; don't overdo it!  When you speak to your friends, do you sound like a robot?  So why deliver your speech like one?  Consider that really, even everyday speech is like a song, with the emphasis on different words and parts of speech used to convey feelings.  That said, I think I'd rather claw my eyes out than listen to someone put on a fake overdone tone to their speech, or someone who is just too excited!

In other words, don't be like this guy:

Nor like this:

As shown in class, something like the David Sedaris videos we watched is not a bad approach, as he is natural and develops a rapport with the audience.  That said, you don't need to read from a script :)

Organization and Content

This really should be self evident, but avoiding basic errors in logic by not unknowingly contradicting yourself is pretty important.  Don't repeat yourself unless the repetition is serving some particular purpose in the delivery of your speech.  Watch your diction and syntax.  In other words, be sure you've edited your speech for clarity and flow.

For content, avoid truisms as well as blase or common topics.  Don't know what a truism is?  Look it up!  Don't use them in your writing or speeches, again unless they serve a particular purpose.

Rapport

Developing a rapport with your audience is key to a great speech.  This means that your speech should have engaging content while keeping the audience interested and attentive.  This takes practice, but here are some things to consider: 

• Who is your audience?  Who are you speaking to?  
• Will they get your jokes, the references you make, the types of vocabulary you use?  
• What type of speech are you giving?  Don't speak like a debater if you are not in a debate!
• Is the content of the speech relevant to the audience on any level?  
• What type of environment are you giving your speech in?
• What is appropriate and what is not?

These are some tips, but the most important one is to simply be comfortable.  The audience can pick up when you are nervous.  If you are nervous, this will affect your overall speech and how it is received.  So. . .

RELAX!

Think happy thoughts and be in a happy place :P

Of course, the more you speak publicly, the easier it gets, so consider the assignments for our class simply a few steps towards becoming a better speaker.

Break a leg!

El Generalissimo